(7.0) Captain Aneurysm Welcomes You to Radio Stigmata

Happy fucking birthday, America! It’s the midnight hour which means it’s time for Radiooooooo Stigmata. From God’s mouth to my heart to your ears, this is the Captain and I am ready to Bone. Your. Mind.

 

It’s a goddamn circus out there, Blood Brothers. There’s an oval in the middle but this tent’s got three rings. Don’t get fooled by the purple clown with the silver hair. An idle ass is the devil’s puppet-hole, as the saying goes. The Captain knows.

 

Time was the Captain had the devil in there elbow deep. Long time Blood Brothers know. You newbies, you can read all about it in my memoir, Zounds!: From Blood Warrior to God Warrior, that’s Zounds!, from Doubting Thomas Press. It’s a gnarly tale of sin and sorrow, little Blood Brothers, but I hope you too can see the light.

 

So let’s talk about the devil. Ol’ Salt Peter, the Lord of the Flies. The Tiger Force at the Heart of All Things. The wicked black goat, and I don’t mean that scary chick outta New Bayonne. No, Blood Bros, I am talking about Satan himself.

 

Who is Satan? Where is Satan? Would we know him if we saw him? Seems we’ve got every other kinda monster, demon and ultra-villain. We’ve got two Draculas in the Error Zone, scorpion-men in New Pandemonium and folks sayin’ they’ve seen Baba Yaga in Harlem. What’s the score, Blood Fam? With all this smoke, where’s the lake of fire?

 

Breathe in that smoke, Blood Brothers. In the Bible our fall could take a day but words do funny things with time. I hear it in the heartbeats of snakes and playing children. It’s written in the juices on the butcher room floor. We haven’t seen the beginning of the end, Blood Brothers. We’ve barely seen the end of the beginning.

 

Now, back to Satan. Folks’ll tell you he’s not even in the Bible. Did you know that? You can crack that baby open and flip through it right now if you want but if your translation is even a little bit honest you won’t see anything like the devil you think you know. Weird, ain’t it?

 

But that’s the trick with the devil. He doesn’t like to show his face, he likes to show yours. I’d argue the devil shows up just about everywhere in the bible under all kinds of different names. He goes by the name Herod when ordering the death of John the Baptist. He goes by the name Longinus when spilling Christ’s blood. Way back when the Pharaoh felt his heart harden against the Jews, he went by the name Jehovah.

 

Why not? Why should our heart contain the devil and not God’s, if He’s perfect and we’re made in His image? Why is it more perfect to just opt out of depravity instead of overcoming it? What kind of sense would Jesus make without sins of His own to absolve?

 

Call me crazy, Blood Brothers. I know that’s why you tune in. Maybe I’m the devil’s puppet right now, and that was the black speech of the ultimate dragon darkening our radiowaves. You can never know. Don’t ever discount the possibility.

 

I promise y’all I’m headed somewhere with this but I see we’ve got some calls that made it through the line. Before I take my first caller I just wanna throw another kudos to my wonderful producer, Georgia. If it weren’t for Georgia here I’d still be shouting into a HAM radio on my garage. This woman is a saint!

 

Okay. Whoo. Okay, caller one is up. What’s your truth, Blood Brother? Oh, I’m sorry! Lady Blood Brother.

 

Nice to meet you, Carla. Carla I’d say you are absolutely right and if it weren’t so dangerous for me to go off of Power Suppression I’d be right on the front lines. Fact is we’ve got ourselves a completely illegitimate government. No constitution, corrupted elections, super-powered Nazis calling the shots. Now, I’m not saying folks who’re infected should use their powers to overthrow the State, but I do agree with Carla here that the folks in the Posse, the NPLO, even some of the Trumpets of Gabriel are fighting the good fight.

 

Next caller. Welcome to Radio Stigmata, what’s in your heart?

 

Nope. Cut this guy, Georgia. Captain Aneurysm does not support the sexual objectification of women and neither do true Blood Brothers. That brave young lady I mentioned earlier, some of you might know her as She-Goat the Black, she’s fought too hard for the likes of you to have her name in your mouth. Georgia, make sure we trace that guy’s number and send it to the Dox. I will not be party to sexual harassment.

 

Alright, while Georgia’s doing that I suppose I’ll get back to tonight’s topic. Satan. The puppet master of pain and peril. He is nowhere because he is everywhere but does that mean he can’t be found? Here’s where I see Satan today. Here’s why he’s on my brain.

 

The Supreme Service released its verdict today on the Jokenji brother case. For those of you not in the know, those are a couple of young kappas that swam out of New Pandemonium through the Quarantine Grid a few years back. They’ve been rotting in the Error Zone ever since they got scooped up.

 

I know what some of you are thinking: refugees get thrown into the Error Zone every day. They knew what the penalty was. Why should we feel bad? What’s so Satanic about that?

 

Well jackass, it ain’t always so simple. Turns out these kids tried to do it the right way. The older brother was running a rickshaw business out of New Pandemonium. He had to get the little one across the water to see this special doctor in Long Island. The little one had this chromosomal disorder, the kind of thing that could happen to any kid- human, kappa, sasquatch, whatever. Every penny out of that rickshaw went towards saving up for just one meeting and the fees it would take to buy their Special Visas.

 

No dice, though. Their Special Visas were denied. Feds worried the little one’s disorder could be an infection risk.

 

Didn’t make a lick of sense, of course. New Pandemonians are Other-natural but they’re also stable. They’re not infected the way a guy like me is. They were actually designed that way. Or evolved, if you insist. (Because we accept all kinds here on Radio Stigmata, so long as you love something.)

 

So the kid’s got no proven infection but the state insisted they couldn’t take the risk. His brother saved all those pennies for nothing. So they swam for it. Then they got rounded up like all the rest and thrown into the Error Zone by Bigley himself. Now the Supreme Service insists that’s where they’ll stay. “Rules are rules.”

 

What kind of rules are those, Blood Brothers? We’ve got rules in this country that bend whenever the rulers need to break the ruled. No rule puts somebody in the Error Zone. The Error Zone would have swallowed half the planet if a rule could put someone there.

 

Think about it. Little Boy killed thousands of people and poisoned a nation. He’s not in the Error Zone. P!ss Frog and Deluge have taken Americans’ lives and freedom without trial. They’re not in the Error Zone. Bigley smashed his own education secretary into neutronium paste on live TV. He’s not in the Error Zone.

 

So here’s the way I see it, Blood Brothers. Hell is real. We’ve found it, we’ve named it, and one of the first things we figured out how to do was throw people in there. Right now, you and me, we haven’t done a single thing about that. As long as that’s the case, as long as a single lost soul is left behind in that vortex of unmaking, you, me, and God Almighty Himself are all the fucking devil.
I’m gonna plug in a few hours of Blue Oyster Cult and let y’all chew on that for the rest of the evening. Try’n think about what I said without prejudice and maybe find someone you love that you can help with something. And if you haven’t got any ideas, you can always help out the Captain by picking up another copy of Zounds!: From Blood Warrior to God Warrior, from Doubting Thomas Press.

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